ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
