i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
