I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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