he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
