he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
