Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
