I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
