you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
