I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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