the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
