I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
