Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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