I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
