I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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