i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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