I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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