ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
