i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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