Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
