you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
