she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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