I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
