The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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