I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
