I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
