4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
