He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
