exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
