I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
