i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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