Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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