Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
