my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
