Can i not drive my cunt home
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
