question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
