I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
