Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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