it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
