So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am one with the molecules
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
