Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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