The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
