i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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