So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
