I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
