oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
