how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
