I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
