she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
