I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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