If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
