He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Are we still banned from the library?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
