ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
