I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
