We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
