Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
